Harry entered into the platform through the wall with his friends.
Some of them looked excited.
Some of them appeared joyful.
Having a pleasant lunch on the train,
all of the students were looking forward to seeing their old friends.
The scenery was magnificent and splendid in the afternoon.
The students bought candy from a train attendant.
Some got a fresh and unexpected flavor of lollipop.
Some got an interesting gift from the lucky bag.
When Harry took a nap,
the others were happily playing wizard chess.
After a couples of hours,
A gorgeous young witch came to wake up Harry from his sleep.
She has flawless face and always polite.
Shall there be a dance party,
Harry will ask her out on a date.
Then, they smiled and chatted for a while.
Suddenly, Ring! Ring! Ring! (Bell is ringing.)
Everyone got off the train.
A Giant came to bring them to school.
All the juniors were shocked and shy.
Move! Move! Move! ( “don’t stay there.” The giant said.)
They are ready to start a whole new journey,
it will be a fabulous memory.
Entering the hall,
the flags were flying above their heads to welcome the freshman.
Listening to the principal,
there was a feast awaiting everyone.
Raising thier head,
they saw the ceiling kept changing its colors.
After the dinner,
the owl returned to thier masters.
It’s been a long day,
Harry had a fantastic school day.
Description:
Harry Potter is my favorite movie. When I wrote this poem, all the scene of this movies just like time machine, it bring back lots of magic and happy childhood memory to me. I remember the first time I went to the theater to see Harry Potter, it was amazing and incredible that someone could create such a masterpiece.
Corrections and suggesteions are in parenthesis ( )
回覆刪除My first reaction after reading your poem was it sounded much like Harry Potter's story with a bit of twist
Since this is your first try to writing a narrative, I will let this pass. However, originality is something that you should aim for. There's nothing like writing your own story.
Aiden
Harry entered into the platform through the wall with his friends.
Some of them looked excited.
Some of them appeared joyful.
Having a pleasant lunch on the train,
all of the students were looking forward to seeing their old friends.
The scenery was magnificent and splendid in the afternoon.
The students bought candy from a train attendant.
Some got a fresh and unexpected flavor of lollipop.
Some got an interesting gift from the lucky bag.
When Harry took a nap,
the others were happily playing wizard chess.
After a couples of hours,
A gorgeous young witch came to wake up Harry from the (his) sleep.
She has flawless face and always being (delete: being) polite.
Shall there be a dance party,
Harry will ask her out on a date.
Then, they smiled and chatted face-face (delete: face-face) for a while.
Suddenly, Ring! Ring! Ring! (Bell is ringing.)
Everyone get (got) off the train.
A Giant came to pick them up to (to bring them to) school.
All the juniors were shocked and shy.
Move! Move! Move! ( “don’t stay there.” The giant said.)
They are ready to start a whole new journey,
it will be a fabulous memory.
Entering the hall,
the flags were flying above their head (heads) for welcoming (to welcome the) freshman.
Listening to the principal,
there was a feast (awaiting) awaits everyone.
Raising thier head,
they saw the ceiling kept changing its colors.
After the dinner,
the owl returned to thier masters.
It’s been a long day,
Harry had a fantastic school day.
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Edits can also be found at http://collabedit.com/hd9gu
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